


My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada

by SaltyCostumer



Series: Let Your Arrow Fly [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 04:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11570784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltyCostumer/pseuds/SaltyCostumer
Summary: Phil invites Clint to go camping with him, on the first real vacation they've had since the fateful encounter in the safehouse.  Clint needs to find out the truth behind some rumors before he agrees.





	My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada

It had been a couple of years since the last time Phil, or his team, had gotten any real vacation time. Oh, there had been a three day weekend here and there. But even if you were willing to stretch the definition, sitting in a safehouse waiting for extraction wasn’t precisely a vacation.  
Although it did have its good points, Phil thought with a little sigh. Starting a year ago, when he and Clint had spent some time alone, and things had shifted between them.

 

How they’d shifted was hard to define, and neither one of them had really felt the need to define it. They were still friends. Still team-mates. Truthfully, he and Nat were Phil’s family. And, on top of that, now he and Clint were having sex.

Which changed things less than he had worried it would. The biggest difference was that the prospect of six weeks of vacation didn’t have the same appeal it might have before. Since that would mean six weeks where he wasn’t going to see Clint. Wasn’t going to get to sleep with him. And sleeping wasn’t a euphemism. Both of them enjoyed cuddling, enjoyed sleeping with another person. They hadn’t gotten to do it very often but when they had….and then, of course, there was the sex. The wonderful, amazing, mind blowing sex. 

 

Of course, if things went according to plan, he and Clint would get to spend that six weeks together… 

 

If Clint wanted to. Which, Phil had to admit, was a little bit of an if. Ok, it might be a big if. As far as Phil knew, Clint wasn’t dating anyone, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to change that. Six weeks was a long time and….And Phil was not going to talk himself out of this.

So, when Clint arrived at Phil’s apartment to ‘discuss their upcoming leave in a more informal setting’, as Phil had put it when he’d spoken to Clint at SHIELD HQ, a phrase that most people would have taken to mean “I want to read you the riot act and make absolutely sure that you don’t take on any freelance jobs”, and Clint would, he hoped, understand to mean “Come by my place around 7, I’ll get something from that Indian place you like”, Phil had his plan laid out. In detail. With a proposed itinerary. And bullet points.

“So.” Phil said, once they had finished eating “About the leave that we’ve got coming up. I was um, thinking that maybe we could spend some of it together. Well, most of it, really. I need to spend a week with my sister and her husband, but after that.” Dammit, he had not meant to sound this nervous. Or awkward. “I did some research, and I found a campground, it’s called Dougan Creek, I have a print out…” he picked it up off the table and when he looked up; Clint’s expression was unreadable.

“You want to go camping with me for a month?” Clint said, his tone even. Phil knew that voice. It was the voice Clint used when he was lining up a shot. Hearing it here, in his living room was more than a bit unexpected. “Won’t that make it hard for you to see your girlfriend? Or is that the ‘sister’ who you’re going to see for the first week?” Clint continued, with that same even tone.

Shit. His girlfriend. The cellist named Audrey who had moved to Wisconsin, after living in New York. The attractive brunette who enjoyed classic cartoons and a tall gin rickey. The woman who was, in fact nothing more than a cover story. A cover story that he’d started shortly after they’d gotten back from the mission in Modena, after the time they’d first gotten together. Because Clint had the rumor that he was sleeping with Nat to keep everyone off the scent, but Coulson hadn’t dated anyone recently. And wasn’t inclined to start. Not now that he and Barton were...together. He should have said something to Clint about it, but he didn’t think the rumors would get back to him. Well, it was good to be reminded exactly how good the SHIELD grapevine was.

“My sister is my sister.” Phil said, his tone apologetic, “And I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m sorry, I should have said something. It’s a um, cover story. So people don’t start wondering why I’m not dating anyone. I thought that, well, most people forget that bisexuals exist. So if the rumor is about a woman, everyone will assume that I’m straight, and that you’re straight, and that we can’t possibly be um, together. So that when you spend the night at my place, even if someone finds out, they’ll figure that you were sleeping on the couch.” That was two ‘ums’ in one statement. Yes, Phil was nervous about this. “But if you don’t want to go camping, that...I understand.”

“I need to see my sister too, but after a week or so, the rugrats are getting on my last nerve. So yeah, a month of camping sounds awesome. You go there, make camp, and a couple days later I’ll get there.” Clint started to smile, thinking about his arrival, “You’ll be all snuggled up in your sleeping bag, and then I’ll be in the tent and…” he laughed as Phil couldn’t stop himself from shivering a little, mouth going dry at the idea. “But I do have one request, Sir.”

“What is that, Agent?” Phil asked, blushing as Clint called him ‘sir’. There was something about his tone as he said ‘sir’ that just….Phil wasn’t really one for bondage, but Clint had a way of combining role-play with giving him a raft of shit that just….well, for one thing, it sometimes made mission debriefs a bit uncomfortable.

“When you get back from vacation, you need to tell everyone that Audrey is moving to Canada.”

“Canada?” 

“You haven’t seen Avenue Q, Sir?”

“I can’t say that I have.”

“I’m taking you. Nat took me to see it, and it’s hilarious. Just a second, I have the song on my iPod.”

(a few minutes later)

“Ok, yes. Canada.”

“Glad you agree with me, Sir.”

**Author's Note:**

> "My Girlfriend Who Lives in Canada" and the musical it comes from are both things that exist in our universe. Both the song and Avenue Q are profane, obscene and generally have a higher rating than this story. If you don't mind adult content with your humor, I urge you to invoke the power of google and listen to the song (and perhaps the entirety of Avenue Q) immediately.
> 
> Comments, good, bad, and critical are all welcome. I just set up moderation to avoid spam and for language.


End file.
